Emzily

constantvigilante @ 2025-08-03T18:14:00

2025-08-04T01:18:10Z

For Pete's sake, I need a good game with enough people in it that I don't have to push everything along. With reasonably responsive mods that have actual plot ideas and time to mod. And who don't lock up the game so you can actually check it out. This all used to be fairly normal, I know we're all getting older and busier but how is it so hard to find?

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constantvigilante @ 2024-02-28T15:10:00

2024-02-28T22:13:45Z

( 2024 reading list )

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2023 reading list

2023-01-02T06:17:57Z

( Read more... )

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constantvigilante @ 2022-11-02T22:29:00

2022-11-03T05:31:27Z

I wish I could both join and leave things more easily. I can't leave unless I'm sure it's not going to improve and I'll never want to return (I never do return). And I can't join... I guess for the same reason? It has to be worth it because its hard to leave?

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constantvigilante @ 2022-10-23T21:43:00

2022-10-24T04:47:45Z

Spicy Opinion that could get me in trouble in some quarters: I'm actually less interested in the new Doctor Who now that I know you-know-who is back, though since I haven't watched the last season (or two?) I suppose it wasn't at the top of my priorities anyway.

All the best to Jodie, though, my waning interest wasn't her fault.

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constantvigilante @ 2022-12-31T13:05:00

2022-01-02T20:07:34Z

( 2022 reading list )

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constantvigilante @ 2021-11-07T16:01:00

2021-11-07T23:01:58Z

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50700/the-flower-56d22df9112c4
The Flower by George Herbert
Grief melts away
Like snow in May

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constantvigilante @ 2021-11-02T15:47:00

2021-11-02T22:48:15Z

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pbs are HARD

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constantvigilante @ 2021-08-01T18:24:00

2021-08-02T01:42:26Z

Yesterday a friend texted me: "I'm sure you know it's Harry Potter's 41st birthday..."

In previous years, I would have known it was coming for weeks. There was always some Potter Day event in whatever game I was in, or failing that, a newspaper article. If nothing else, one of the many next-gen Potter-Weasleys would have brought it up and there'd be a bunch of cousin comment-spamming over birthday presents and such.

It seems more and more likely that that's not coming back. Facebook friends have posted about how they won't be supporting the series in any way anymore. I can't blame them, but I can't say the same either. Despite it all, HP has meant a lot to me, and I've never been good at letting go.

A lot of friends had already moved on anyway, and HPRP was dying down. We never got a real-time Teddy-and-Victoire-years game, we're never going to have a real-time James-and-Albus-and-co one. I can't resent people having objections or preferences, and I had a lot of good times while it lasted. But nothing else has really fit the bill for me, though I've tried here and there. Nothing else has stuck in the same way.

And that shouldn't be a surprise. It was at such a unique intersection of wildly popular but undeveloped. So many hints that you could take in so many different directions, even apart from flat-out AUs. Worldbuilding you could take for granted or pick apart. You could bury yourself in research, but you didn't have to.

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constantvigilante @ 2021-06-06T23:35:00

2021-06-07T06:38:10Z

Apping new characters is hard. What possible negative traits could Squirrel Girl even have? She's delightful.

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constantvigilante @ 2021-05-12T23:00:00

2021-05-13T06:04:49Z

I hate being chased for shipping when I'm not feeling it, I don't know how to get out of it without ghosting the person :(

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constantvigilante @ 2030-04-21T11:49:00

2021-04-21T18:51:05Z

( Characters )

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constantvigilante @ 2021-04-19T16:31:00

2021-04-19T23:32:54Z

Pleasssse stooooop trying to occupy the Prides keeper spot, please please, pleasssseeeee

It has a canon occupant already, why are there two players in the game who both failed to check the wiki for this information, why

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constantvigilante @ 2021-03-24T22:56:00

2021-03-25T05:58:43Z

The problem with playing the kids of characters you didn't already play (or that don't have a canon career path) is that you have to come up with all this headcanon and then a hefty chunk of the history is their parents and it takes forever to get to the kids themselves.

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constantvigilante @ 2021-02-28T22:21:00

2021-03-01T05:38:28Z

I love that Corrie still has these flashes of caution and looking for an exit strategy, as Hugo pointed out, because overall she's felt more bold than usual. Like three years of pro Quidditch, taking the reigns of her own life, has given her more confidence, and she does think she can probably find her way out of a bad situation now as long as she's thought about it a little. (Physical situations, anyway. She's still pretty sure she can't talk her way out of things and hates being on telly.)

Though she's probably also a little giddy, too. Being back with old classmates in a mad magical building has her feeling like she's back at school and a bit of silliness is natural.

Still. She wouldn't have eaten random mystery biscuits back at Hogwarts.

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constantvigilante @ 2020-10-11T17:05:00

2020-10-12T00:08:01Z

Lolol the only thing I update on here anymore is my reading list.

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constantvigilante @ 2020-01-01T14:15:00

2020-01-01T21:26:06Z

Happy New Year! I had a fairly quiet night, as I've come to prefer for New Year's -- I can't relax going out when I know the dogs will be scared, and there are such weird expectations of enjoyment and socialization on NYE that I've never really succeeded at meeting. So I stayed home, watched Star Wars, and kept the animals company. And today I went to Sephora and didn't care if they were judgemental, like a boss, and then they were actually perfectly pleasant so maybe I don't hate Sephora anymore.

Anyway, one of my yearly traditions is to make up a playlist and then post it, because idk I need to be understood or something. Here's my 2019.

( 2019: Driving )

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constantvigilante @ 2020-12-31T14:12:00

2020-01-01T21:14:57Z

( Reading List 2020 )

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this isn't something I'm even experiencing right now, it's just something I'm campaigning to avoid

2019-10-03T05:31:16Z

So I know that I'm, like, the only person in the world who still hates premades and set cast lists, but every time I see a mod explain that they're not flexible and that they spent time creating the list/premades to "ensure balance" I want to say they needn't have gone to the trouble.

Like, that was a decision on your part, it has nothing to do with me. And after all the work you went to I still want to play someone different. Are you regretting your life choices yet?

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constantvigilante @ 2019-06-07T21:26:00

2019-06-08T04:28:19Z

Someday I will learn how to explore a fandom without throwing myself into it bodily and neglecting my other hobbies in the process. In the meantime I've been finding some really fun Ducktales content!

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Recently watched

2019-05-21T06:22:02Z

DuckTales: ahhhh I love everything about this show. There was even a Darkwing Duck episode. They're killing it. And now no more until September. Booooo

Miraculous Ladybug: Still solid. Still love Chloe more than is reasonable. Loved the last episode.

She-Ra: They're just... Doing so well with making all the characters real people with believable motivations. Finished second season.

Kim's Convenience: Wow they really amped up the awkward in S3. Still really enjoyed it. Love the family. LOVE SHANNON. Great surprises and just a good treat all around.

The Hustle: Like a Weezer cover, didn't capture the spirit of the reference material or change it enough to justify remaking it. Undermined its own message. Super disappointing.

Want to get started on S2 of Timeless but also hunt down three latest season of Endeavor.

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constantvigilante @ 2019-04-21T22:02:00

2019-04-22T05:03:14Z

Reacting =/= plot.

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When you can't create, absorb, and when you can't absorb, sleep.

2019-02-11T05:22:03Z

I'm still working out what to post on this site, but I need to write my actual thoughts and feelings sometimes or what's the point in having this account?

I've been basically not RPing for, like, three months now? And it's not my favorite state to be in creatively, but most of the games I've tried, considered or been approached about lately haven't felt right for one reason or another. There's one being worked on, but it's not done and the worldbuilding is unique enough that despite having initial concepts for my characters, I can't finish an app because I don't know enough about the world to know how they'll fit into it. And in any case, I don't know when it's actually opening (I would've thought that it would be done by now, to be honest).

But I read this post about creative pivoting when something isn't working. And even if I'm not actively roleplaying I need to keep expressing myself, and thinking about things, and finding the right words. Because it helps me see the world and respond to it differently, and I've been feeling a bit adrift in a way I don't like. So. Read, write what I can, watch. Absorb. Until the time comes that I can use what I'm learning, in able to develop and explore more.

And on that note, recently I was thinking about the kinds of characters I've played, and I remembered that years ago someone described one of my characters as always being true to herself, and it kind of baffled me. Who else was she supposed to be?

But I think it's fairly reflective of my characters in general, though I'm not entirely sure how to describe it. I have a strong concept, I develop that concept. Isn't that normal? I'm still usually surprised along the way. I don't typically have an actual storyline planned out -- that one version of Corrie being a notable exception, because I'd already done the special-school-Quidditch-thing enough, and with Meaghan being the coach I was in an even better place to deal with Corrie's issues with Quidditch, and her mum, and family expectations. (Long story short: she joined the Hogwarts team for the tournament, but ended up quitting. I'd played her as having freaked out and quit on pro Quidditch before, but that was all in the past and I'd never got to play the actual freakout. But this was the only time I can remember having a plan and keeping it in mind and really sticking to it.)

But I feel like there are plenty of people who don't feel the need to have a solid concept, because they'll figure it out as they go. And they'll talk about challenges and memes and whatsit, I swear there's another word for something similar that's typically done at the beginning of a game, or maybe that's just memes again, I don't remember, but they'll talk about those as if they're things that will help. But I generally hate those things, especially at the beginning of a game, because I don't feel I know a character well enough to answer them or work with that prompt. I need time to play them before I can do any of that.

That might be just me needing to relax, and just go with the flow. But I don't really flow that well until I have a solid base to stand on.

I may be slightly too worried about the solidity of that base, though. Sometimes you do need to just let go. But I've been roleplaying for a long time, and you can't (and shouldn't, necessarily) just ignore everything you've learned about your preferences over the years you've been doing a thing. So it's a balancing act, I guess, between knowing yourself and exploring other possibilities.

Anyway. The other thing I was thinking about in regard to this is characters who are easily influenced, or act differently in different situations because they don't know themselves, or they're shy, and so on. And I guess I haven't had a lot of characters that are that kind of changeable. Or who are two-faced, though I did (briefly) play Sally-Anne as a lovey-dovey wife and secret terrorist poison-brewer. Bridey was quiet and reserved, but with a strong core: I loved getting to know her and finding the confidence her faith gave her.

I guess it might come down to stubbornness, which is something I've thought about before in terms of my characters, ie I write a lot of frigging stubborn people. Bridey was a bit different in that she could see most things weren't that important, but when something was she put her foot down hard. Melody was shy but opened up more with certain people, like Bethany (Bridey was reserved but not really shy). But I don't know that either of them were what you'd call inconsistent. I tried to do that a bit more with Ruby/Bailey but I never really felt great about the character, or like she was true to my initial NPC concept.

I'm not entirely sure how you play someone who's not true to themselves, but that's something to consider, maybe.

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constantvigilante @ 2019-02-02T17:44:00

2019-02-03T00:46:37Z

Aaand that's why I don't join games unless I'm personally invested in the game itself, even if I have friends there.

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Note to Self

2019-01-26T05:11:02Z

But is that really what you need, or is it just what you want?

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